Leadership is Forgiveness: Letting Go of Toxic People

“Forgiveness doesn’t mean we keep everyone in our lives. Sometimes the most compassionate choice is distance.”

In leadership, forgiveness is powerful, but it’s not the same as endlessly tolerating behaviors that drag everyone down. When we forgive it does not mean that we are ignoring actions that undermine trust or harm team morale. This is because healthy forgiveness requires boundaries and accountability, (what we discussed last week), so sometimes it means making the hard decision to say, “I see you, I respect your humanity, but I can’t let this behavior continue here.”

I have recently learned the term “compassionate distance”. Are you familiar with it? I have been familiar with the concept of what it is, but I didn’t know the exact name for it. It is recognizing that, as leaders, part of creating a healthy culture is understanding when letting someone go may be the best choice for everyone, including that person.

Research by Dr. Sigal Barsade shows that emotions—especially the negative ones—spread through teams almost like a ripple effect, impacting everything from creativity to morale. Have you ever noticed how one person’s mood can shift an entire room? That’s emotional contagion. It can manifest through a team member’s unresolved anger, cynicism, or hostility–and when it is left unchecked, it can quietly start to undermine cohesion and performance.

As leaders, we can forgive a person’s struggles or mistakes while still recognizing the larger impact their behavior has on the team. If we ignore ongoing negativity or disruptive behavior, it doesn’t just affect the person at the center; it can pull down the whole group. Therefore, forgiving someone cannot come at the sacrifice of the health of the team. Instead, it means creating a workplace where everyone feels safe because we stand by our boundaries, demand accountability, and embrace making tough choices in a compassionate way for the collective good.

At the end of the day, forgiveness without boundaries isn’t compassion—it’s chaos. Truly compassionate leaders don’t ignore harmful behavior. We acknowledge it, set boundaries around it, and, when necessary, release it. 

For example, a leader might say, “I care about you, and I hope for your success, but these actions don’t align with the values of our team.” Setting boundaries this way can be transformative. When our people understand that forgiveness doesn’t mean tolerance of harmful behavior, they experience a deeper sense of respect—for themselves and others. 

One of the hardest things a leader can do is to decide when someone’s behavior is damaging enough to require letting them go. But when it’s done thoughtfully and compassionately, this decision can profoundly and positively impact the team’s culture. Research shows that removing persistent negativity can boost team morale, motivation, and overall trust.

When we as leaders make this tough choice, we are demonstrating that forgiveness doesn’t mean avoiding conflict or “being nice” at all costs. It’s a commitment to a culture of integrity and mutual respect. Embracing this model doesn’t create a fear-based environment but one where team members feel safe to contribute, to innovate, and to be vulnerable without worrying that toxic behaviors will go unchecked.

Forgiveness and distance can coexist in powerful ways that honor both the individual and the team. After all, strong teams aren’t built by avoiding tough conversations—they’re built by leaders who show up for both the humanity of the individual and the health of the whole.